The Silver Blade
by crazykitsune17
Summary: Oneshot, KxH angst. Hiei sits up in a tree, musing about a lost love. New Year's was supposed to be a happy time why this disaster? Please read and review. Rated just to be safe.


A/N: I personally like this one-shot very much… It has its flaws, but this, I think, was one of my first yaoi-ish one-shots, so of course I'm a little partial… n.n Kurama x Hiei angst here, please read and review!

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DISCLAIMER: I only own the brain that made this story up. In case you don't understand, I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or it's happy angst-filled characters.

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**The Silver Blade**

by crazykitsune17

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Hiei watched his blood drip slowly to the cold, snow-covered ground, staining the pristine frost with its crimson pigment. A drop of blood would float down from his slit wrist and hit the snow, causing it to turn red. The red drop would quickly expand as the snow absorbed it, making the tiny puddles of darkness larger than what it should be. More snow would fall, covering up Hiei's blood, but more would just keep coming. It was a neverending cycle; cut, drip, cover, cut, drip, cover.

Hiei sighed in frustration. The snow kept ruining his bloody mural in the snow! Finally, he gave up as the snow began to fall more heavily and quickly. It was freezing cold outside on that dreary day in January, but Hiei was outside anyway, up in a tree near Kurama's house. Ignoring the swirling snowstorm and chilly temperatures, Hiei lay against the thick sturdy trunk of the large elm tree, watching the tiny light in front of him.

He was watching Kurama. The only person who had ever truly cared for him… or so he thought. Kurama was inside that house, inside that room, in front of that window.

"Kurama…" the words slipped off Hiei's tongue like icy venom, lethal and laced with poison. Hiei then spit upon the bloodstained ground, a hint of crimson in his saliva. Turning away from the light in the window, Hiei glanced back down at the ground, tears blurring his vision. The tears threatened and begged to fall, but Hiei blinked them back furiously. He would not cry. He would not shed tears over someone who did not deserve it!

"Kurama," Hiei choked out again, his voice cracking over the syllables. "H-how could you…" Hiei suddenly felt nauseous as he thought of the fox demon and all he had done to him.

He had shattered his world, breaking it into nothing but shiny splinters like the shards of a broken katana. Hiei's stomach churned unpleasantly as he remembered how Kurama had turned his life upside down…

Kurama had always liked Hiei more than anyone in the Reikai Tantei. Hiei had never shown it, but he always liked Kurama too. Their friendship was special and deep-rooted; nothing could break it.

_Or so I thought…_ Hiei growled angrily, his body heating up, simmering with hurt and rage.

_You had loved me…_ Hiei whispered to himself as he stared back at Kurama's windows. _Loved me when nobody else could… But then… you just…_

Hiei stopped in mid-thought and rested his body back against the trunk of the tree and sighed. Just thinking about the pain Kurama caused created new waves of agonizing depression, threatening to drown him. Moaning with the hurt and betrayal he felt, the lonely fire demon picked up his katana – it now felt extremely heavy – and hacked another slit into his bloody wrist.

The crimson liquid poured down onto the ground, staining the snow and seeping through the newer level to meet up with its brothers below. With each drop that fell, Hiei felt a little bit better. The blood washed away his pain little by little, emptying his body of all the bad feelings.

However, as some pain left his body through the bloody train, more pain entered in. Every time Hiei inhaled the icy winter air, more feelings of damaged trust and broken love entered his body, absorbing themselves in Hiei's bloodstream and making its rounds through his anatomy. He was suffocating; drowning in his own tortured emotions. It was a horrible feeling, to be asphyxiated by your own feelings.

_You have caused me to feel this way,_ Hiei tried to croak out, but the words would not slip past his lips. They seemed to catch in his throat, and he found himself choking. The mere thought of Kurama and all the pain he had caused was enough to nearly kill Hiei…

His world had been turned almost completely around that tragic night of New Year's…

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The whole Reikai Tantei was there. Genkai's temple had been decorated lavishly for the important occasion; streamers and balloons hung everywhere, dancing in the heat of the party. Food was set on the tables in abundant supply, and "Auld Lang Syne" was playing on a nearby stereo. Hiei had walked into the celebration a bit late, as usual, but as the merry mood in the temple crescendoed, Hiei's mood took a steep plunge down…

New Year's was supposed to be a happy time, a cheerful holiday to celebrate the passing of another year. All experiences of the previous year were a thing of the past, your slate wiped clean. A person could rid themselves of regrets and begin the new year fresh and without sorrow – like being born again. There were New Year's Resolutions – promises to better yourself – and kindness all around. Everybody was joyful on New Year's.

Even Hiei was happy, at least for the final, fleeting moment before the kiss that changed his life. Standing before the temple's doors, Hiei even briefly smiled as the chilly, late December wind whirled through his hair and froze his skin with a pleasant tingle. New Year's would be the night… the night Hiei would spill his most well-kept secret.

No, he would not be revealing to Yukina the true identity of her brother. He had an even deeper secret… one that was unknown to anyone in the entire world except himself.

But no longer would he have to keep this great burden locked inside… New Year's was the night he would confess his secret… his precious secret of love.

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_I was going to tell you that I loved you,_ Hiei thought with agony, the tears quickly welling up in his scarlet eyes once more. _How much I wanted to be with you and be yours…_ A deep longing to be loved bubbled up inside of Hiei, swirling around in his soul and eating its way past Hiei's self-hardened surface. His feeling were swarming around on the outside now, buzzing like a nest of angry bees. The feeling of suffocation came over him again, and he gripped his chest, wanting to rip his heart out and toss it as far as he could.

_I thought I could trust you to love me forever. You ripped me…_ Hiei thought, still clutching his chest, digging his rounded nails through his coats fabric and into the flesh beneath. _Ripped me like I rip this clothing…_ Hiei then angrily tore off a piece of fabric from his coat, exposing bare flesh to the harsh whip of winter wind. The wind carried the piece of fabric to the ground some feet away where it was quickly covered by the still-falling snow.

Hiei took a glance at the second-story window. He couldn't see through it very well with the rapidly-falling snow, but he could see Kurama's outline, sitting behind a desk, probably doing homework. _Or thinking about Yusuke,_ Hiei thought with disgust.

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Right in the middle of the New Year's festivities at Genkai's temple were Kurama and Yusuke. They both had cheerful looks on their faces as they stood around by the fireplace happily, not a care in the world. The two of them were laughing. Hiei had felt a pleasant, warm twinge in his stomach as he laid eyes on Kurama, who looked so elegant, so beautiful, in his forest-green sweater and grey trousers. Brushing aside his long, crimson hair, Kurama smiled kindly. Hiei thought for sure that he was smiling at him, so he smiled back.

The smile had quickly faded from Hiei's face, however, as he saw what happened next.

Leaning forward, Kurama had wrapped his arms around Yusuke's waist and embraced him lovingly. At first all Hiei could do was just stand there, shocked. Kurama had hugged Yusuke! And it was more than a friendly hug… much more, Hiei realized as the two boys pressed their lips together and enveloped themselves in a hot, passionate kiss.

Hiei's spirit was broken, and all he could do was stand there in Genkai's hallway, completely motionless as the pieces of his heart shattered. He had missed his chance. All because he had waited too long to tell Kurama that he truly loved him. Thinking that Hiei didn't love him, Kurama had gone for Yusuke instead.

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_You're a fool, Hiei,_ the fire demon thought miserably, lowering his head and sighing. _Even if you_ had _told Kurama, he probably would have rejected you because he now loves Yusuke. You're not important to him anymore. You're not special._

Hiei sank back against the tree, the snow covering its bark melting as his body's warmth smothered it. The cold water seeped through his clothing and onto his flesh, but Hiei didn't care. He didn't care about anything anymore.

"I don't care," Hiei hissed into the wind. "I don't care about life anymore. Just the way you don't care about me." He glared at the window.

Hiei took his sword out of its sheath once more and stare at it. His katana glinted in the pale light of winter, and Hiei smiled.

"And so it ends."

Hiei closed his eyes and let the silver blade end the pain.

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A/N: Yep, cliché ending and a bit OOC Hiei, but ya know what? I still like it. So… go on and review now… Thanks for reading!

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--crazykitsune17-- 


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